Everything I need to know I've learned from Hockey……

By @whistler

1. Biting is bad.

I mean, who the hell bites? Other than Scotty Hartnell i'm not really sure. C'mon even my 5 year old daughter doesn't bite. I've bit someone during sex but that's different. I could see Mike Richards biting Pierre McGuire, but not anyone else.

2. When the odds are against you, never accept that to be the truth.

Being in the crowd at Joe Lewis Arena during game 5 of the Stanley Cup finals was such a humiliating experience. I had the cougar mom and her early twenties daughter poking fun at me after every goal. I had the small pecker little kid poke fun of my traveling companion (my daughter's monkey). I had his father telling me to go home and take my pussy Crosby with me.

Through all of that I grew a pair. I'm not one to poke at other people but when the game was over I turned to these douches and said. "see you on Friday". That's right. I said there would be a game 7. I refused to believe that history would repeat itself.

The pundits declared the Pens DOA. They said there was no way they could defy the odds and come back after this humiliating defeat. I refused to believe it. It's nice to be right everyone once in a while.

3. Wearing the same pair of underwear game after game is NOT such a bad thing after all..

Mom always said to change your underwear each and everyday. Mom never followed playoff hockey. I mean your team is on a winning streak and YOU and only you are responsible for the team winning so why change anything. If you feel that your underwear brought about your teams victory then by all means DO NOT change them.

4. Kids with the weird names will ALWAYS be made fun of.

Alexander Semin. 'Nuff said.

5. Be grateful no matter what.

C'mon Kris Draper. Can you be a a bigger baby; is it even possible? So you didn't get your hand shook during game 7 of the Stanley Cup finals does this mean that you have the right to complain for the entire summer that the Captain of the team that beat you didn't shake your hand? Please. My mama told me that if you're not happy, find someone that will make you happy. So there Kris Draper, go take up competitive Scrabble or something a little less stressful. Next time play a little better and maybe you won't have to whine as much.

There you have it. Simple life lessons from the rink to your everyday life. I'm gonna go a find a Triple Word score that starts with the letter W. My tray has all O's. Anyone have a suggestion?

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